Poetry from ...yes Bolano

Sangriento Dia de Lluvia

Ah sangriento dia de lluvia,
que hace en el alma de los desamparados
sangriento dia de voluntad apenas entrevista:
detras de la cortina de juncos, en el barrizal,
con los dedos de los pies agarrotados en el dolor
como un animal pequeno y tembloroso
pero tu no eres pequenoy tus temblores son de placer,
dia revestido con las potencias de la voluntad
aterido y fijo en un barrizal que acaso no sea
de este mundo, descalzo en medio del sueno que se mueve
desde nuestros corazones hasta nuestras necesidades
desde la ira hasta el deseo: cortina de juncos
que se abre y nos ensucia y nos abraza.

Irony

Life...is funny. You go to college, do what you are supposed to do...and find you yourself far from where you want to be. Yes, hmmm. After moving west I have nipped my ridiculous schemes of becoming a hippie in the bud. I have encountered many types of people, many different lifestyles, and many different types of freethinking. Being very open minded, skeptical of where I came from, I have truly considered alternative viewpoints. And yet, here in the west where progressive mentality thrives I find that people still cage themselves in ways of defining their existence. Similar modes of fear that kept people from really living in the midwest still ruin people here. I like the uniqueness of Portland...lots of different people. However, even within supposed non-mainstream people there are mainstream concepts exhibited. For instance, hipsters consider themselves unique and untouched. However, they have a style that everyone in their group conforms to. I understand they are very strict as well. Furthermore, this conformity further exhibits itself in the insecurity that hipsters have in just being his or herself. Identiy. People identify themselve with their group, their job, their ability, or etc. The point is even if you are good at something, that in itself is not you. Jobs leave, abilities cease, but you do not. This is why I hated most the runners at my school. They conformed to a small group where their identity subsisted on something transient and passing. Stupid, very stupid. However, I tried to placemy identity in academics. Hypocrite i know. This is not what I wanted either. This isnot to say that one isnt a runner, academic...etc....but those will not save you in the end from who you really are.

Regardless, the acceptance of a diverse group of people living in one area has allowed me to accept myself. Instead of going after what I am supposed to do, I am going after what I want in life. This freedom is refreshing. I miss myself. I am going to start trying in life again. My grief over the realities of life that was bottled up in the past is subsiding in resolve and life is looking right again. I want to laugh wholeheartedly on the top of a distant mountain, in the sunlight of the day....looking forward for joy my back on the past. Life is good...everything the lows and highs. You learn the most at the lows. If I feel theneed to cry, I will. If I feel the need to shout, I will. If I feel the need to bask in silence I will. Peace.